Posts Tagged ‘Seth Strong’

United Seths of America

Friday, January 30th, 2009

My name is Seth Strong and if your name is Seth Strong than we can probably get along and rule this world together. I’ve been trying to find you guys on Facebook and I found the one in L.A. That one seems as talented as you would expect a Seth Strong to be.

If you or your loved ones know a Seth Strong, don’t let world domination pass him by, please encourage him to contact this Seth Strong. The world awaits.

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Seth Said It First

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

If you are under 18, you don’t need the new vocabulary presented in this blog.

While discussing the word lover and what it meant to my girlfriend and myself, we decided we didn’t like the word.  Having love as the root does not make up for the greasy, grimy, sex-only feel of the word.  So I invented a new word to replace lover and to help convey why I don’t like the word lover.  The new word is banghole.  If you are my banghole then you exist for no other reason than so I can put my piston in your shaft and combust. It’s graphic and nearly obscene but now you know what I think of when someone refers to their lover.  It’s the ultimate word in turning someone into a selfpowered object of gratification.

This is because all lovers are implicitly undercover lovers.  The term lovers can mean girlfriends, mistresses, and professional hos.  There should be a search engine to find prostitutes in your area called Yo-ho! But that is beside the point.  See if I say girlfriend then it sounds somewhere between high school and fiance and that is sufficiently vague.  It is also very near girl friend which is just safe all together.

I can see where lover may be just as nebulous and even more romantic than girlfriend.  But before I say “hey lover”, I’ll probably say “yo bitch” and she’ll come over laughing and secretly enjoying the role play dominance I have just exerted.  Because if you just want someone for just that something, they’re not bitches. They’re not girlfriends. They are bangholes.

If you wanna be my banghole, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my banghole, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.

And that’s the word.  You heard it from Seth first.

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What I learned Today

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

Merchandise Liquidators

This quiz was provided by

Merchandize Liquidators

a Wholesale Clothing Company

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Strange Signatures

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

My friend gets emails from someone with the following signature.

It is true that there are foolish individuals who have never properly examined the fundamentals of the Divine religions, who have taken as their criterion the behavior of a few religious hypocrites and measured all religious persons by that yardstick, and have on this account concluded that religions are an obstacle to progress, a divisive factor and a cause of malevolence and enmity among peoples. They have not even observed this much, that the principles of the Divine religions can hardly be evaluated by the acts of those who only claim to follow them. For every excellent thing, peerless though it may be, can still be diverted to the wrong ends. A lighted lamp in the hands of an ignorant child or of the blind will not dispel the surrounding darkness nor light up the house — it will set both the bearer and the house on fire. Can we, in such an instance, blame the lamp? No, by the Lord God! To the seeing, a lamp is a guide and will show him his path; but it is a disaster to the blind.

How weird is that?  OK, it’s from the book The Secret of Divine Civilization.  I don’t even care what the book is about because it isn’t fair to assume we understand the context or anyone else she emails.

When I say fuck religion, I’m saying that to people who have decided to tell me I’m stupid or somehow lacking for not having one.  If you can keep your beliefs in your britches where only intimate friends can see, I will keep my disagreement with your beliefs to myself.

If you want to discuss beliefs to understand me better, then by all means let’s.  If you want to find out who’s right, first we need to establish ground rules:

  • Are we going to use reason?
  • Is it okay to think for yourself?
  • Is it okay for people to make bad decisions regarding religion with all the best intentions?

The first two bullets are very important.  The third bullet shows compassion.  There are good people who have different opinions on subjects of great importance.  It may seem obvious to you which opinions are correct and which one’s aren’t, but that would be a disrespectful position to take.  There is no point in pretending to have a respectful conversation if you in fact offer no respect.

Thanks for the psycho signature line in your email my friend’s friend.  That was good motivation for this post.

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Enter The Beast of Cville

Monday, January 19th, 2009

Full of fangs, fur, and crusted blood I prowl the corners of Charlottesville looking for a hapless victim or forty-five thousand.  I must pace myself because killing too quickly can lead to another economic collapse as services fail to serve and producers fail to produce because I killed them.  I select from bankers, managers, secret service personnel and politicians: the people who don’t seem to be doing anything anyway.  They taste a little lazy.  They are hard to digest, and no thrill at all to catch; you can find them heading to their cars at 4:57pm any day of the week – well, 1:57pm for bankers.

But we need bankers, managers, and politicians, you might say, except you have no wish to draw the attention of the massive figure that is me with my bright red eyes glowing out of my silhouetted form, which is always silhouetted since its size never fails to blot out the sun casting a brilliant glow on the edges of my fur.  Bankers manage our funds.  Managers manage our resources and politicians manage our laws.  Those are the claims you would make, that it is important that funds, resources and laws are managed.

As I chew on a fully armored bodyguard, which is I might add a more tasty treat then the greasy politician, I ponder this truth.  It is true that we need our funds managed, but it is not true that the banks have managed funds well.  Similarly managers fail to manage personnel and politicians fail to manage our laws.  On top of that, bankers tend to have trouble with their own funds, managers with their own productivity and politicians with their own ability to follow the rule of law, leaving me to wonder what exactly was the benefit of focusing their livelihood in avenues they clearly are not fit to pursue.

I am fit to pursue, and I do pursue screaming paralegals, political science majors, and Sarah Palin advocates.  Because these are people with futures, making them pleasantly flavored, but also these are people who will probably fail to think at some point right before thirty and never ever start to think again.  They won’t know it, and they will make faith based policies – meaning they are thinking with their gut.  I fail to see how indigestion is a very good source for financial planning, human resource allocation, or social order.

I feed on you, the one who knows what is right without a doubt, the one that knows how it all began and how it all ends.  I feed on you, the one who knows that social norms are the will of the majority and the rest of us should know better.  You make me stronger and faster but only to a point.  Because in the end, you are all the same.  You scream your little prayers and shout your useless curses.  And best of all, the economy continues just fine without you.  I prowl the streets looking for your friends to find another victim or forty-four thousand nine hundred ninety-nine.

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Hello blogosphere.

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

Welcome internet to my lovely little section of the World Wide Web that Al Gore so kindly invented for me.  This is your opportunity to learn a little about the indomitable individual that I am when I’m not gracing the comments sections of other people’s blogs.  The world is my oyster.  I don’t care much for pearls.  I am the sand that annoys.  The sound of the ocean that relaxes you while simultaneously reminding you that Mother Nature is not done with you, so rest with one eye open.

I encourage you the world to come back and read frequently.  I mean, I’ve got to be somewhat interesting don’t I?  I am a busy programming bee when I’m not trying to make up for lost time and seize every present moment in both a minute by minute experience and as an opportunity to build the future me with a few more talents than I expected to have.  I am learning the bagpipes, the bass guitar, singing at various karaoke establishments and I still found time to meet lots of interesting and wonderful people around the Central Virginia area including one special blogger who has been more than hospitable to me.

This blog is brought to you by the letters I for Iraq, D for Death Note, and L for something rather significant.  Seth types on a Logitech LX 710 on a Dell XPS running XP.  And when he’s not blogging, he’s thinking of trouble and wondering if the trouble in his own mind isn’t more interesting then all of the real trouble in the world.   Never one to dishonor a cease fire, he comes out swinging and types about himself in alternating first and third person.

Welcome to my web!.

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