Posts Tagged ‘banghole’

If Truth is a Banghole, Authority is Just T&A

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

I read an article about a case about a strip search of a middleschooler by her principle.  I’ve read a few responses to a specific Bill O’Reilly sneak attack of a blogger.  I read stuff like Womanist Musing that makes my privilege feel like I’m treating it a little carelessly.  What if the exploited have a point after all.  So I say to you Truth is a Banghole.

Do people just want to know answers so they can play Jeopardy at night or do they actually want to engineer a better tomorrow?  People have been pushing social agendas forever.  We have democratic authorities, we have religious authorities, we have authorities on specific topics, and we have cops.  Democratic authorities are barely representatives by virtue of being progressive sounding examples of the same old rhetoric.  We hope with each election that our reps will rise above the fray, but we have very little ability to determine in advance who is capable of the task.  After getting a G.W in the office, it is apparent that even when 2 candidates are vetted through our two party system, you can still elect a retard.  The whole disaster of his terms wasn’t all his fault.  Even if you buy into the inside job idea of 911, other people were cooperating.  My point is the whole system failed us during his term.  He just also happens to be retarded and I think electing retards is scary.

We have religious authorities and we shouldn’t.  Morality is the balance of the individual versus society.  Other people are already represented by laws.  Individuals should represent themselves.  We don’t need some whitewashed soapbox standing homosexual homophobe telling us things should be better.   If you’ll settle for a guy with a loud tshirt and a bad haircut, maybe I would be an improvement.  Religious leaders will fail us as they have been.

Authorities on specific topics fail us too when we think they have all the answers by virtue of very specific expertise.  Prescribing how everybody else should act is a failed mechanism.  Our military, our law enforcement, and our espionage fail us too.  We count on them and we defer our rights for them and they fail us.

Because they are inherently flawed as are we all.  We all have a different variation of a selfish disease which allows us to do mean things to each other.  If you lock me up for telling you, you’ll never know what my variation is.  We need to acknowledge this disease and work to determine the level of each person’s disorder without penalizing them.  This disorder is a mental disorder.  It’s a chemical imbalance as a consequence of nature and nurture and imperfect development.   Our morals are set unrealistically in place and reality has brought the question of can we attain them without also looking into the root causes of human nature.  When incarcerations are more expensive then educations, then we wonder if we can recycle our deviants into productive citizens. But when you demonize harmless differences like sexual orientation, you will never realize the depth of individuality, the extreme diversity of behavior that can result from the small differences in our biological soup.

The truth is a banghole.  It’s a teasing us in with the thoughts of acquisition only to disappear the moment we name it.  And yet we need it.  Authority creates order but it doesn’t because authority changes by becoming authority.  And the people being led are not sheep.

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A Parallel Cootiverse

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

The following is intended as a satire.  I think women are insufficiently respected and I don’t know what to do about it.  Furthermore, it is hard to get relevant information from women because some of them appear satisfied with the current system.  I have girls of my own and if I were a girl, I would be overthrowing all sorts of concepts.  I do that now but I have white and male privilege.  Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there are as many women as men and they still end up being treated like minorities.

Okay, everyone knows girls and women have cooties.  That’s why we subjugate them and keep them separate.  That’s why American women only get to date American men and American men can date anybody they want.  It’s the reason we are allowed to have a double standard.  I mean, it’s more expensive to have women in the workplace because we have to wash our hands more often to keep cooties from infecting us.

Girls know they have cooties.  You see the way they compete and snub each other.  We’ve all seen the “you don’t deserve that you bitch” look going from one girl’s eyes to an unsuspecting other female.  You can’t take them anywhere. And to make matters worse, cooties often accumulate near the buttock region or the chest region which accounts for most of the reason we men have to check those areas out extra carefully.  Is that a cootie cesspool or what?  “With the angling of the buttocks that should have a reduction value so that woman likely carries .7 times the standard amount of cooties.”

Females can’t see cooties.  All they see are tits and ass and they feel objectified.  That balances out the fact that men can’t see reason, we only see what we want and whether or not it has cooties.  In muslim countries, cootie-carriers are kept in bags to minimize contact.  That’s a good idea.

Females are typically smaller and weaker, which doesn’t make sense really.  They get sexually assaulted all the time, you think they would take physical fitness and self defense seriously.  But most gyms carefully screen their women for cooties and as a result, women don’t feel very welcome.

I read some article about how to make a female suicide bomber.  All you have to do is sexually assault her which makes her feel worthless and then point out that blowing herself up is a good way to get some honor back.  Again it doesn’t make sense on a variety of levels.  For one, being sexually assaulted might make a woman feel worse, but it doesn’t make her worthless.  She’s worth the same amount.  And if you want to look at it in a rather demented way, she might be worth more if she’s deemed a point of obsession by another person.  Also, explosions don’t desanitize cooties.  Explosions turn cooties into an aerosol which is just bad for everybody.

Let’s throw the exact statistics out of the window, we can agree that half of all people are men and half of all people are women in practice.  Forget racism for the moment, minorities don’t even add up to 20% of the population in America according to the last time I checked.  Women are 50%-ish, black people represent less than 15%.  This is no reason to be racist, the point here is that we discriminate against women who represent 50% of the population and black people (among other minorities) which represent less than 15% of the population.  Where should we start?  Plus 50% of those minorities are women, so guess what, that halves our racism by destroying our sexism.

But I propose we start with racism because race is clearly an imagined concept (google it, we are genetically too similar to people of other races) mixed with ethnic nurture and gender differences are very real.  Plus, minorities will assemble on our asses.  They will violently and peacefully protest while kicking our asses in basketball, football, baseball, golf, Olympic running, kung fu, manufacturing, hotel management and now world domination (re: Obama).  Women are too busy fighting off their cooties to notice that they’ve been pigeoned holed into lives as nannies and bangholes.

Some of them notice, but they are fewer and farther between and didn’t pay attention to my points about physical fitness, and self defense.  And most of them don’t realize it right away because our institutionalized quaranteen of cooties is mostly working even though the cootie-carriers are getting cleverer.

Why don’t women address this issue, when they clearly equal or outnumber us?  Why don’t they create businesses and jobs and environments where cootie-carriers are not subjugated?  In part this is because cooties damages the brain, and in part because the rest of us work very hard to ensure that doesn’t happen.

We love women so much.  They are sexy, attractive, they think differently, we associate positive elements of nuture, they seem to multitask very effectively.  I’m under the impression that those little diseased by gender counterparts even work harder.  It’s a shame they have cooties.  It’s a shame we haven’t developed a cure.  And it’s as much a shame that they haven’t demanded one or developed a whole alternate economy that works by and for cootie-carriers.

Maybe they did in an alternate universe.

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Seth Said It First

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

If you are under 18, you don’t need the new vocabulary presented in this blog.

While discussing the word lover and what it meant to my girlfriend and myself, we decided we didn’t like the word.  Having love as the root does not make up for the greasy, grimy, sex-only feel of the word.  So I invented a new word to replace lover and to help convey why I don’t like the word lover.  The new word is banghole.  If you are my banghole then you exist for no other reason than so I can put my piston in your shaft and combust. It’s graphic and nearly obscene but now you know what I think of when someone refers to their lover.  It’s the ultimate word in turning someone into a selfpowered object of gratification.

This is because all lovers are implicitly undercover lovers.  The term lovers can mean girlfriends, mistresses, and professional hos.  There should be a search engine to find prostitutes in your area called Yo-ho! But that is beside the point.  See if I say girlfriend then it sounds somewhere between high school and fiance and that is sufficiently vague.  It is also very near girl friend which is just safe all together.

I can see where lover may be just as nebulous and even more romantic than girlfriend.  But before I say “hey lover”, I’ll probably say “yo bitch” and she’ll come over laughing and secretly enjoying the role play dominance I have just exerted.  Because if you just want someone for just that something, they’re not bitches. They’re not girlfriends. They are bangholes.

If you wanna be my banghole, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my banghole, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.

And that’s the word.  You heard it from Seth first.

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