Sometimes when I’m in a relationship and I have a crazy idea such as threesomes or communes or nonsense like that, I think the problem with such an idea is actually getting the third person, the house(s) and whatnot. It’s beginning to dawn on me that the communication needed to sustain an alternative lifestyle is extraordinary. However, I think there are a few basic rules that prevent a vicious cycle that can creep into relationships.
A monogamous relationship has some expectations but it happens as a result of some really nice rapport I would hope that leads a couple to believe staying together is strategically sound and personally satisfying. Monogamy is the default because it makes reciprocation easy to spot. Throw a job a zip code away and an extra lover into the mix, and the monogamy gets stressed out. It seems obvious right. It’s not obvious. The person at the center of the two relationships can be broken as well. All you have to do is take that rapport out of the picture. It’s like taking oxygen out of a room. Who can say which breath will be your last?
Rapport? That’s like communication right? People just need to talk a lot. Well… no. There’s a good reason why people can’t talk all the time. They might be busy. And while a person is busy, that’s not the time to expect the whole world to end. That’s when people need to know the world is going to be the same when they get back. Not every conversation is an open and shut case and most of life is a refinement process as are conversations. So I think there will be time to improve things in the future.
Too much communication is a lack of trust. Too little trust and it’s over. Trust is like the corner stone and satisfaction is the paycheck the construction crew gets. You need those two things to build that happiness. The shape of the result, now that’s where communication comes in.