X-men: Skunk Class

I just watched one of the lamest comic book movies in awhile X-Men: First Class. The movie managed to bug me in several ways so I figured I’d just make a list and see how far I got.


  1. Sexism is lame.

    There are three female mutants in the story: Mystique, the shape changer; Angel, the former stripper with wings; and Emma Frost, the white queen. There’s one other woman of interest in the story Moira MacTaggert. We see each one of them in lingerie or less.

    I don’t have a problem with women, nudity, or even porn. I do have a problem with women being used consistently as props. I don’t remember seeing a single guy dressed down with the closest exception being Havok when his circular focus thingee gets ripped out of his shirt. That’s as much dude skin as you’re gonna get.

    There are further sexism jests with how the White Queen is hot and a mind reader and ends up being desired because she’s a telepath. In the last scene in the movie, Moira is explaining how she got her mind wiped and the joke is “That’s why we don’t have more women in the CIA.”

    Lame fucking lame. And I mean that with mad respect to people that have mobility disabilities. People who are physically lame should get to trade mobility with Matthew Vaughn or Bryan Singer.

  2. I thought we were done with the sacrificial black side kick. I guess I was wrong.

    I’ll be honest. I don’t remember Darwin from the comic books. He seems a little familiar but his power is cool. His body will try and adapt to any conditions to increase the chances of survival. For example, if he goes under water, he will develop gills in a matter of seconds. He was the only black X-Man. And guess what? He dies.

    The first point I made was about sexism. This one is about the possibly unintentional sidelining of an entire race of people. I don’t remember a black CIA officer in the movie. I’m trying to remember another black anything.

    X-Men is about exploitation with mutants being the foil for anything-ism that might be affecting your life. Magneto’s origin story takes the torch from the Jewish suffering in the Holocaust and carries it forward as Magneto sees early steps toward a new Holocaust in every political decision.

    So the X-Men are Jews. That’s fine. Jews are fine people. But don’t give me that shit instead of discussing sexism and racism. Jews were the victims of genocide which I guess is a really big level of racism. But in America, we have an ongoing discussion about whether or not Black is considered beautiful yet. Let’s talk about that, X-Men. Let’s talk about that by having more than one black person in our dazzling little cast.

    Some people have rightfully pointed out that Angel is played by a fair skinned yet black woman. That’s a fair point, I say. There were two black people. The first one died. And the second one joins the bad guy team because she’s got no sense of loyalty and she was the stripper who said that she liked men looking at her lustfully better than she liked the way humans looked at her for being a mutant. I feel much better now.

  3. Miscellaneous complaints with the filming and story techniques.

    I didn’t like the pacing. I thought it was too music video-esque. The music was the driving tempo and that makes the movie dreamlike to me. It sacrifices the depth of the characters for short film segments. X-Men has a lot of recruiting and training. I tend to get bored easily with that because each one of the recruits could have been a whole story in itself but no, we get the briefest version.

    There were two effects I really didn’t like in the movie. The first was one scene in which Xavier is asking Magneto to turn a huge satellite dish. You don’t get to see the dish turning. What happened is they cut to the faces of the heros and then cut back to a partially moved dish and this was repeated. In the end, you never saw the damn thing move. Lame.

    The second effect I really didn’t like was the mirrored room where the nuclear engine and Sebastian Shaw made out. When Sebastian charges up his head kind of splits like there’s a fucking mirror hidden somewhere! What an effect! It’s straight 70’s. And it deserves 70’s cash like $1. If you want 2011 inflated currency for movies, you need to bring us better effects.

    Some powers are better off not explained. Banshee’s flight ability is cool because it is flight. But training him was lame and made everybody look stupid. “Here, what you’re gonna do is fall and then shout so that your echoes hold you up.” Lame. It doesn’t even make sense. He should just fly. Also, he gets sonar power. Why? Because he can control his pitch. But I say, he doesn’t have super hearing so he wouldn’t benefit from sonar. Yeah, I know how sonar fucking works. Banshee is like a blind man with a laser beam. But I’ll admit I might be less than knowledgeable on Banshee’s full list of powers.

    Sebastian Shaw’s power was interesting but ultimately lame as well. Absorbing all energy are you? Kinetic, atomic and everything else? It’s a fucking show stopper. How do you think mind control works? It’s probably some sort of energy, you lame asses. I think he actually has that power in the comics and I never liked it.

  4. Ok, I’m over it. Those are the big reasons why I didn’t like X-Men: First Class. Got an opinion? Slap it right down there in the comments section. The movie scored 87% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes so there must be something to like about it. I could use the help figuring out what that something to like was.

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2 Responses to “X-men: Skunk Class”

  1. Matt says:

    You know this was set in the ’60s, right? I’m not a bit surprised that there were no black agents or that female agents were condescended to- that’s the way the world was back then.

    That IS how Banshee flies- not so sure about the other aspects of his power.

    Shaw’s power was slightly different from the comics in that he only absorbs kinetic energy there- so absorbing radiation would probably kill him.

    Pointless moaning about the White Queen and sexism- that’s her character. That’s how she dresses and acts. You could change that, but then you’d get people moaning that she’d been toned down.

    I get your racism complaints, I’m just not that bothered by it. Plenty of real racism in the world- no need to go looking for it via casting choices.

    Other people probably liked it for more or less the same reasons that I did- it was just an enjoyable super-hero action flick- but set in the ’60s. Magneto was also the big draw for me- it was good to see the character at that point in his life.

    You didn’t like it though, and that’s fair enough, I suppose.

  2. Seth's World says:

    Thanks for the comment. I’d give the White Queen a pass if that was the majority of where all the sexism and such came from. And true, it boils down to basically these factors took me out of my movie zone. I think X-Men is about equality in essence and so overlooking these issues is a weak point.

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