I spend a lot of time arguing against current forms of marriage. I’m jaded. I’ve been divorced. My parents are divorced. My brother has two divorces. I don’t even see divorces as failures. I see divorces as a good thing because those are relationships that didn’t kill you.
I am romantic and there are a lot of things I am willing to do for my significant other. In support for choose your own relationships, I can imagine having multiple significant others for which all these things would apply. But right now I have one significant other and this is about the things I would do for her.
I would publicly state my commitment to her. I think a lot of her and I think about her a lot. She supports me in a lot of ways, many of which I take for granted from time to time. Despite my misgivings with the contractual legal marriage, I do not consider our relationship temporary or disposable. I think it’s obvious that we work on the issues that divide us and we have so much in common. I would stand in front of any number of people any number of times and say that.
I would support her financially. I don’t have a lot of finances right now. But if she needs something, I’m there. We’ll solve it. We solve problems together and some of those problems are money problems. Not all of my money is our money. But I look after her. And she looks after me. If someone was out of a job, they’d be taken care of.
I trust my partner with my intimate details. Body parts aside, there are weaknesses that I have no interest in sharing with people in general. My partners get to see the downside of me. I get to see her tired, worn out, sleepless, anxious, depressed, job stressing. That’s kind of beautiful. I want to be able to see inside such an important person.
I would put her on my life insurance and on my benefits. I would see that she gets whatever I might tragically leave behind. She’s a life partner. This is a team sport. Anyway that I can document that I will. She’s who you call if I get injured in sports. She’s on the list of people who can get my medical details.
I don’t always remember anniversaries, but I respect our own rituals. Our dates and our ways of doing things are important to me. I will honor partner rituals. I might need some reminding as we settle on what rituals really survive. This can include seeing relatives on holidays and special sports days. I will build a life that celebrates both of us.
And I will surprise you with fancy sentimental baubles in your champagne glasses at expensive restaurants. I will dress up and read back formal declarations of love. I’d love to see my partner in all white, the center of the ceremony, bright red and happy.
I’m simply against old white people and their thoughtless values. I don’t like marriage when they are thinking of a Judeochristian marriage and I think our marriage is more like us, irreligious and yet dedicated. My commitment isn’t stronger than the bond of partnered same sex people. We’re not more deserving of rights. And I’m not committing for life if our relationship goes toxic.
It should be obvious that by wanting you, I want you to be happy and that means with room to grow. And it should be obvious that I wouldn’t want you to grow away, but if you do, I’m going to find a most peaceful way to let you go. But each day I don’t have to let you go, is going to be a day worth having with you and I’d tell anybody. I can do that.