This just in. Joseph Smith, L Ron Hubbard, Mohammad, Jesus, and the dad named Yahweh have decided to clear up one particular bit of spiritual judgement. If you are killed by a suicide bomber, you go straight to heaven. All sins forgiven. And you get to pick your flavor at the time of death by looking at the menu at the gates of Mormon heaven, Scientology heaven, Muslim heaven, Christian heaven and Jewish heaven.
Also on the list of endorsers is Martin Luther, John Calvin, Hitler, Stalin, and Ghengis Khan. Sun Tzu refused to sign because he thinks it’s obvious suicide bombers did not read his book.
Also, if you are a woman killed by a suicide bomber, you go to heaven as a man and get 99 virgin suicide bombers for your carnal pleasures in the afterlife. Carnal can include having them cook, clean, edit your manuscripts, or do your dirty laundry. Also, you won’t be required to put your dirty socks anywhere. Just throw them on the ground and let your former suicide bombing slaves pick it up while you force them to eat bacon.