This is a message for kids thinking about sex coming from a guy who thinks abstinence education is misguided. I think abstinence education happens because people feel like teaching children how to safely have sex will lead to children having sex and that feels like a step most parents can’t take.
Kids, I suggest something completely different. If you’re thinking about having sex, you should plan to have sex. 14? 17? I don’t care. But, the active word is plan. You’re going to need to find a partner you can trust. You’re going to need to consider contraceptives for disease prevention and pregnancy prevention. You’ll probably want to find a time where you’re not hurried in a back seat. Rent a hotel. Find a day when parents are out shopping for shoes or getting manicures.
Take this planning seriously. You’re going to spend your entire life using the skills you do and don’t have in bed. Short cutting the process is going to lower your experience and up your risks meaning one day you might be really good at sex but really bad at defending against the common cold because you’ve got AIDS. That would be a shame. Bluntly, a world of healthy fuckers is a better plan. Plan.
Forget about the clothes that make you sexy or performance. You can figure that out later when you have a budget and you’re over eighteen. Right now ,you need to master the basics so that you can minimize risks and maximize results. Sex rocks. But sex followed by self esteem crashes or pregnancy while you’re in high school outweighs the afterglow. Also, intercourse isn’t the only form of sex. There’s no reason you have to do one or any type of interaction so make sure you’ve communicated with your partner on what things you are interested in exploring. In the moment is the wrong time to suddenly come up with a plan. It’s not horrible but people don’t typically do their best thinking at that moment.
I think the structured part of the experience should focus on safety and then relaxed exploration. Rush nothing. This will allow you to figure out what you want faster than trying to do what you think people should want. It’ll allow you to use contraceptives in the right places. And it’ll allow you to adjust accordingly so you can hide the evidence from your folks later. Believe me, finding out your kid has had sex is a troublesome concept. In their effort to protect you, parents tend to become antagonists to this sort of exploration. So if you must plan on sex, plan on your evidence handling strategy as well.
And just as I suggested leave no evidence behind. Leave no broken hearts behind. I think sex is better with people you care about. But marrying the first person you sleep with is a crap shoot especially when you’re talking about exploratory sex. Respect your partner. You don’t have to marry them.
This is your life. Mostly, putting off sex until adulthood works fine too. But it makes no difference to me when you have to do what you’ve determined to do. What I care about is technique. Make a plan to be safe. Have fun. Make sure somebody knows where you are in the event of an actual emergency. Grow up healthy and confident.
That is all.