There are lots of assholes who you want to associate with as much as you’d like to be fucked with Hitler’s dick. And then there are assholes like me.
If you cut me off, I’ll curse you and rip out pig entrails to hex you for the rest of your goddamned life in about fifteen seconds before I drop it and skip to the next fast track on my CD or MP3 player. If the hex works, I’m not sorry. It’s not my fault the supernatural has suddenly become very responsive to atheists now is it? No, I’m not taking the blame for shit that can’t be accounted for with double blind tests or pure laboratory observation.
I wear bright colors in the winter. Strike that, I wear a bright yellow JMU sweatshirt and matching ballcap. I’m pretty sure I can’t stare in the mirror because I couldn’t take it either but the static electricity or something in this outfit is great. I get all charged up. My coworkers cannot drink enough coffee to handle it.
I don’t get the fat positive movement precisely. I’ve been blessed with a good lottery of genes. But I’m always skipping meals and hopping around and I get bummed out when I hit 240 lbs and then I do something about it. I’ve been meaning to be more active anyway. But it’s not because being fat or abnormally shaped is the ultimate issue. It’s because I secretly think I’m going to go rock climbing some day and I’ll slip with one hand before I’ve secured a line and the other hand’s strength and associated muscles will be all that saves me from doom. Alternatively, I’ll die of some new millennial cancer at 100. However, I do get bullshit about ideal skinny fuckers. There’s a broad broad range to beautiful and healthy. I also see fitness folks with all sorts of worn out body parts and I’m pretty sure that we should shoot for a life somewhere in the middle if at all possible. And yet this kind of humor makes me laugh.
But I do get the atheist movement and it’s kind of related. It shouldn’t take any effort to describe the position of not believing anything supernatural. I don’t run into many problems because we’re surrounded all the time by the natural and the supernatural has a really hard time finding ways to make us consider phenomenon to be unnatural in the first place. We’ve learned from women looking at puppies and men shooting lovers’ lovers that emotions do not make good reason, so feeling awed by the supernatural is meaningless to me. I explain it because it’s revolutionary and it’s so fucking hilarious that not believing anything is considered anything other than a default position.
Accepting people I guess should be like that too. I guess I can follow that much of the feminist, black, gay, or fat positive movements. Maybe I can lump them as pro-outsider movements. Women aren’t outsiders. Atheists aren’t outsiders. So on and so forth. That shit should default to being okay. We should default to accepting our neighbors even though they will have some crazy batshit quality. I’ve got mine. I’m an asshole.
It’s all fun and games if nobody gets shot. I get offended sometimes easily and sometimes I’m doing the offending. That’s cool. But then folks walk up and self-detonate and the conversation becomes risky. Shop’s have been bombed for carrying books… in America. I had to add “Rushdie” to my Google search to find the link because there are several other pipe bomb scares that got in the way! I’ll never kill you, my friend. Give me a way to exit safely, and I’ll return the favor.
The friendly atheist is a nice guy who likes moderate believers and sees them as allies. He’s the friendly one. I’m the asshole. Blogging about your belief means you have an opinion I think is shit. You get to keep it. And I get to keep saying it’s shit. That’s how the system works. And then you can blog about how my opinion about your blog is shit if you want and so on and so forth.
Fuck your beliefs. You shouldn’t give too much concern to mine either. Be true to yourself and provide some standard consideration to your fellow citizens despite what your crazy-pants opinions are. Killing might be relatively okay to you, but it’s still bullshit in a way greater than just an opinion kind of way for example. The same goes slightly for alternative medicine, faith healing, and Scientology. Bullshit, all of it.
My ultra issue is how people have the ability to live in a country but live in a way that secludes them from greater society. I think people need to mingle because that gives everybody the best chance. It also gives your kids the best chance to self correct for whatever you fucked them up with. And don’t give me that “I don’t fuck up my kids look”. You do. Everybody does. That’s why we give kids greater information access and hope their inquisitive nature can help patch the holes.
Fuck the Ten Commandments. Fuck the Republican party. Fuck Christianity. Fuck Islam. But to the folks who identify, don’t worry, we can still hang out and I probably won’t bring these issues up because I also have many other things to talk about. And you can disagree with me. But you can’t ignore that there is a rising tide of folks who don’t think traditional institutions of faith and family work and you can’t assume we’re a nation of believers. You’re just one of the many kinds of Americans. I’m a kind too, I’m the right kind of asshole. I’m probably wrong about so much, but when you ask for my opinion, I will honestly give it every single time. It’ll sound myopic because it is. It’s my individual opinion. Thanks for asking. No, I don’t agree with yours and yes, I am curious about it all the same, please tell me.
But if you’ve been reading, you know that.