Archive for July, 2009

A Song for the Workweek

Friday, July 31st, 2009

You can’t remove me like tonsils
you won’t know what it’s like when I’m gone
because I’m not going anywhere
You can wanna trash can that’s me sized
but you can save yourself some time
because I’m not going anywhere

and then I’m gonna do your mom
that’s right
then I’m gonna do YOOOOOUR mom

I’m not a rifle you can silence
I’m immune your kinds and
I’m not going anywhere
I don’t give a fuck about your phone calls
at 5 I’m going home y’all
cause I’m not budging anywhere

and then I’m gonna do your mom
that’s right
then I’m gonna do YOOOOOOOOOUR mom.

bum bum bum
on the drum drum drum
you can’t sleep from the thumps
of me and your mom
you should have seen it coming
you couldn’t make me stop
but you could make me wanna
one up your pops

I’m on your mom!
that’s me doing yoooooo
ooooooo
ooooooooooor
mom.

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Everything In Order

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

So I met her in a pool hall and a sushi bar, same night same girl and it clicked. When you meet over sushi and then a game of pool, pay attention to the songs you hear. One of them might be your song. Sure enough MGMT – “Kids” found its way into prominence to relate the two of us.

It seems wrong to call a sequence of unorthodox dating an experiment because of the way it may seem the participants were intended to be discarded from the beginning but my experiment ended as I became increasingly interested in one contestant to the exclusion of my interest in others. This post isn’t about them, so I’ll only say it once that they were all very cool and it was great. However the experiment ended and it was time to take the next step, I put my girlfriend’s name in the “In Relationship” box on Facebook.

As time went on, I’ve got some of her stuff in my bathroom. She’s got a toothbrush for me. I’ve got a key to her house. I drive her car as often as she does depending on the city we’re driving around. I don’t have to ask for all sorts of stuff and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not that I’m taking anything for granted, it’s just that sometimes a person gets that 24/7 treatment and that’s how it rolls.

I think she earned the next step but it’s gonna take some time for me to get it right. The next step is the mix tape. Now I know guys that spring the mix tape early but I’m telling you, the girls I’m into will not take you seriously. That’s like talking about the wedding when you first meet. It’s too much too fast. Symbols of commitment should be paced to represent the continuation of said commitment. Without the time in place for some evidence… there is no evidence.

So you do you love someone? Have you made a mix tape for them lately?

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When it’s really a big deal

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

My girlfriend is pretty cool. Reading her DISC personality summary confirmed my suspicion that somehow the same disposition I have reached out and touched more than me. We almost got in a fight yesterday. I felt like fighting anyway. For a moment in my unrelated discomfort I wanted to be distracted by scoring some sort of topic related win because I really don’t like the feeling that I might be handling something important all wrong. But honestly, I might actually be handling something important all wrong.

I learned a few things being married, and even from the girl I dated throughout college. Despite the fact that things haven’t worked out, those were the long relationships of my life and I picked up a few tricks that I have learned to wield more consistently when I want a relationship, especially a romantic one, to last.

When it’s really a big deal, you stop. That’s the lesson. So many times you’ve got a sexy significant other who you talk to all the time. She’s good for a booty call and good for heart support (or he for someone else). And then there’s that discussion about something you aren’t quite ready to be purely rational about — maybe you’re too much of a mama’s boy, or you’re bending over backwards for that girl you should have cut off completely but you aren’t sure you agree. And your significant other is saying you need to stand on your own feet at some point or your significant other is just doing what you actually flat out told her (or him for someone else) you wanted her to do this kind of thing. And when she does it the first time you’re in the middle of mild pathology already and you just want to be like “Don’t complicate my life by putting all my emotions in the same drawer. I’ve got compartments for a reason.” Don’t be like that, just stop.

Ultimately, she caught the failure to synchronize feeling I felt. Ultimately, that’s the last feeling anybody wants to feel. And nobody needs to add insult to injury which means you add immaturity to insecurity. We don’t fight very frequently. And of those, maybe once has the fight been on a subject that was actually important all by itself (no, I don’t think the music nazi claim is worth investigating. I’ll just go ahead and make sure I’m letting her have her turn.) So I feel kind of hopeful that I recognized when communication was down and I stopped talking. It’s like saving your game on Xbox in case the power goes out.

And then, call her back later. It’ll be okay. Probably everytime.

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!noitulover

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

You’re in the system, now honor it. That’s the claim of nationalism or something enough like it by my interpretation. You were born American, you should die American. And not only that, you should die proud for the honor of having been there. If God or gods or the lottery of life wanted me to be something else, like French, I would have been born there and subsequently cursed for it. Cursed, because the only blessing is to be born in America.

Don’t the French people tell their French citizens the same thing. Isn’t France the birthplace of freedom? Don’t let the inclusion of France fool you, I have no claim to make against the French. I have loads and loads of ignorance, but the French have the Tour de France, and so without extreme cause, I will not be complaining about them. Except for John Calvin. France, please officially dismiss John Calvin. John Calvin incidentally gave a backdrop with which I could enjoy Spain a little better for Servertus.

If you want to live in another country get the hell out of mine. That follows the assertion that you are in the system. Sure, emigration and immigration are nontrivial processes especially due to the stressing of important familial and social bonds. Sure, the U.S. is behind other civilized countries in life expectancy according to something I heard in passing on NPR. America is a land of volunteer poor. You volunteered to be homeless. You volunteered to be handicapped. You should have studied psychology before you dated, that’s why you have six divorces, five alimonies, three child support checks, two current lawsuits, and a partridge in a pear tree. And by God, it’s an American partridge. You should be grateful to have been able to marry six American women.

But I’ve got a revolutionary idea. Real rebellious. In a global world where citizens intermingle, why can’t we go online and change our national affiliation? I mean governments can apply hurdles. But if I pass the hurdles, why can’t I change from being an American with French sensabilities in the U.S. to an American expatriot without moving? We’ve got a global economy so much more than we ever did. And in this way we citizens can compare civilized societies and pledge our allegiance where our values lie. And please remember, there are more countries to pick from than the U.S. and France. I just happen to be American and I used France as a reasonable alternative. I’m in my system, but I don’t honor it. Earn it you goddamned system.

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Keeps Me Into It

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

I know what you’re thinking
you know the audience that’s ringing
the circus of choices I’m bringing
of decisions I’m winging
You don’t understand me
You don’t mean to be mean
But the way I go about it
Disturbs the way that you see things
But I’m into it
’cause I got an interest
found a girl that tickles my bliss
who’s got me positive ambitious.
I know you scratch your head
like I’m giving you itches
I am the pillar of another
and we make a sturdy structure

To you it’s black and white
You’re feeling black and blue
I live in dynamic color
we can pick more than two
I know it’s been awhile since
I’ve gotten pissed and said fuck you
maybe now we can move on
Like normal adults must do
But I’m into it
’cause I got an interest
found a girl that tickles my bliss
who’s got me positive ambitious.
I know you scratch your head
like I’m giving you itches
I am the pillar of another
and we make a sturdy structure

So I’m kicking it
like it’s a game and shit
I gotta play light and quick
And you’re frightened of it
I see the world as it is
from standing on your shoulders
I flew into the sun
When my perch couldn’t hold up
And I’m not playdough
you can’t mold up how I grow up
I’m old enough and soldiered up so I know what
I’m doing well enough to know to shut up and hold up
when the words undermine my goals
here’s a little leak, so what?
But I’m into it (life)
’cause I got an interest
found a girl that tickles my bliss
who’s got me positive ambitious.
I know you scratch your head
like I’m giving you itches
I am the pillar of another
and we make a sturdy structure

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Something I thought of For someone I think more of.

Monday, July 20th, 2009

She’s got insecurities
And she’s holding her knees
When all she wants are sweet memories

She’s been going through hell
But she carries it well
What does it take to get her fairytale

And I don’t know what to tell her
because my armor has rusted
and I just keep riding
Perhaps I’m tilting at windmills
I don’t know why
I just keep fighting for her

She feels her time must be numbered
Like my exwife and kids
But how can she avoid mistakes she never did

She just wanted a love
She could have for her own
And to share an address so she could come home to it

And I don’t know what to tell her
because my leathers are worn
And I not quite healed yet
I’m sure that one day
you’ll wake to find your pain
has faded like a bad memory

How many versions are lost
Are we counting the cost
of everyone that everyone has forgotten

She plans others’ lives
supports her important friends’ wives
But who keeps her trying for more than survival

And I don’t know what to tell her
Something should come through
And your dreams should come true
Because I know why she’s shaking
That you fight for a cause
Is the cause ever fighting for you

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Spam This

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Yeah, I like it when people leave comments.  I really love it especially if the commenters are real people.  I don’t get too bent out of shape for misspellings or giveaways for readers who did not learn English as their first language.  I love variety in people and languages and even typing styles.  But if you want to comment simply to link to your site, you’ve got to convince me you actually read the post.

I don’t mean to be difficult.  I’m not getting as many spam comments as I used to, which makes me think the spam filter works, but I get a lot.  And I don’t like to see the same comment repeated over and over with links to the same pages with nothing but more links to sensational things like music, movies, software, celebrity news and porn.  Also, self-help sites are a no-no.  I’m looking for clever people and clever writers.

If you’re human, just let me know and I’ll put your comment through.  But if you’re not, no worries.  I got the mad spam filter.  You can spam this.

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Bootstrapping via Empathy

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Sure I can worry, it’s not gonna help me
There’s a little girl to address
and no one else to clean up the mess

So much for a sure thing, broken by thirty
forty five years left in me
if I think I’ve got the energy left

I’m not alone here, I’m not even lonely
She worries so attractively
It’s a habit she can’t turn off and on

but there’s a more cruel world, that good people live in
So I mock my insecurities
as not just unsightly. it’s wrong

And I’m left to wonder.
What if you have it worse
What if you have it
deeper than me
you feel it keener than I do.

And I’m left to wonder
What if it hurt you
In ways that I’ve
never been cut
I wonder can lift you up

I’m tangled up daily, in habits and paydays
my life is getting simple
Perhaps that was a wrinkle in time

Part of the routine, lost children and dating
I just wish that there
was more than my presence to make you smile
and I wonder if that’s something
I’ve felt for awhile
and I wonder if I stepped in your shoes
could I walk a mile.
And I think if I could hear your reassurance
than you could have mine
We’ll focus carefully on your fears
and leave mine behind

And I’m left to wonder.
What if you have it worse
What if you have it
deeper than me
you feel it keener than I do.

And I’m left to wonder
What if it hurt you
In ways that
I’ve never been cut
I wonder can lift you up

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